CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
