i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
