Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
