There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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