The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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