??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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