The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
