I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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