if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
