Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize