it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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