Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize