Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
