I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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