took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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