We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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