Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
