How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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