I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
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