what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
