Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
