Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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