oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I didn't notice because vodka
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
