margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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