I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize