woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
