I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
