guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
