I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I need a beard to bite.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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