remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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