wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
