Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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