I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
