I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
