I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
