is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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