Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I've blown a few things in my day
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
