Pregnant stripper...not hot.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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