he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize