he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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