how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
