i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
