Four minutes until I can fart!
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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