My room smells like vodka and shame
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
