My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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