I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
we're chasing vodka with high fives
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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