I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize