Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
