Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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