Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
