if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
