in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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