i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
