Define "chronic" masturbator.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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