thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
