you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Green mimosas i think yes
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
