I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
