90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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