I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
this hospital has no fireball
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
