The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
