i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
