I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
