At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
