so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
he's single and there are thong briefs.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
