sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
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