Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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