the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she peed on how many people?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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