Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize