did you get engaged???
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
