im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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