goodnight i made you a song goodbye
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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