I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Omg I joined a choir last night...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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