Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
