In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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