There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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