Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
