I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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