i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
