Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
