You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
