the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
