so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
