I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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