Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
